The anxious feeling of what is the "right thing" to do. Feeling stuck in a huge dilema of "trust" and what I actually want from my husband, the changes I want him to make togethere with what I want for myself, what makes me who I am and happy. For 2 years I have been left to "survive" by myself and manage the children, be both parents to them. Having my own routine, doing things "my way" by myself has enabled me to be independant. Now, if I am honest, I am not sure if I know how to let my husband be a part of our life, our family and children. To me it feels like I have worked so hard to build a separate life for the children and I, I do not want to give it away or share it. It may be a selfish act and perhaps unhelpful thinking, but it seems unfair to allow someone to have some of this, benefit in some way, when he hasn't contributed at all in any way. Trying to keep my reasonable head on, also Ramadan being the heart of the moment right now which isn't just about "FASTING" it's about Forgiveness, Acceptance, Self-control, Truth, Integrity, Nourishment, and Grace therefore leaves me torn.